his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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