so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize