I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she peed on how many people?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
