Having a random hookup so left but love u
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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