drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
