And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
