Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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