I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
