we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
