How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
