and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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