i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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