We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
