I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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