The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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