i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
