We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
