So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
