I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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