you would pick up someone in the library
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
