my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
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this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
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Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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