A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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