she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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