Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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