From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
