the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
