you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
