oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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