last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
