She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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