i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
