im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Randomize
