i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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