so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
