Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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