You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
