yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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