i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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