My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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