that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
