If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
The air taste purple.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
