oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
