I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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