i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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