youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.