that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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