NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
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I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night