Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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