I accidentally burped into my bong.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.