Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
