Please, let me fuck your mom
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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