Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff

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  (850): Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff http://tfl.nu/wuol
  Replies (12) Good night (3665) Bad night (719)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head

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  (203): There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go (860): Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head http://tfl.nu/c9x5
  Replies (41) Good night (4871) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES

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  (619): DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES http://tfl.nu/9dpy
  Replies (23) Good night (5088) Bad night (626)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex

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  (712): I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex http://tfl.nu/ubpb
  Replies (20) Good night (3622) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.

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  (415): She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer. http://tfl.nu/gibc
  Replies (34) Good night (5667) Bad night (1210)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.

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  (973): composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals. http://tfl.nu/kw2o
  Replies (13) Good night (5366) Bad night (996)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?

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  (207): Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!? http://tfl.nu/bzp6
  Replies (10) Good night (1888) Bad night (956)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.

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  (303): I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers. http://tfl.nu/x72i
  Replies (4) Good night (1463) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.

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  (480): Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous. http://tfl.nu/druq
  Replies (3) Good night (1423) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.

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  (701): Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect. http://tfl.nu/4n2p
  Replies (2) Good night (618) Bad night (954)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties

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  (419): don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties http://tfl.nu/ivn3
  Replies (2) Good night (1477) Bad night (529)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero

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  (571): Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero http://tfl.nu/k0h6
  Replies (9) Good night (1573) Bad night (505)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!

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  (505): She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before! http://tfl.nu/qmyv
  Replies (10) Good night (2164) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options

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  (859): I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options http://tfl.nu/2zyd
  Replies (1) Good night (523) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!

  (847): View more from Illinois

  1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us

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  (815): WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?! (847): 1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us http://tfl.nu/rdej
  Replies (1) Good night (975) Bad night (366)

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