I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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