I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
