May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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