I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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