I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
