saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
