When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
