The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
