I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize