Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
