Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
