I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
