Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
