he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
