We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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