I should be sponsored by Trojan
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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