hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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