I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
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how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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