Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
