is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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