Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
